Run All You Want, They’ll Find You…They Got Facebook

This week has been very crazy. I have been visited by some of the ghosts of dumb shit past. Not that they are bad by any means… they are really good people…I just knew them when I was a complete F*$k up.

There once was a time in the not so distant past when I was not an awesomely amazing super dude capable of world domination with nothing more than a thought and a fart. Yeah I know, hard to believe right. But seriously, I used to be badass at being a f*$k up.  I had this really awesome way of dealing with the problems that would float down the river of my anti Rainbow Brite type of life.
I would take a moment, evaluate the problem, find the most logical solution, throw that shit out the window, see how others would handle the problem, decide they were all dumb shit conformists, extend my middle finger, say alot of really colorful words that made me feel like I was the man in control, and then just stick the problem away in some deep hole to forget about it for about 5 – 10 years thinking it was never going to rear its ugly head again, smoke a blunt and be done with it. And this worked for about 3 years. It was probably the best plan I would’ve ever come up with at the time. We all know that when you are a teenager you know everything and you just begin to forget shit as you get older.

So anyway, I was the coolest guy in the world. I had long black hair, tall black boots, slashed up jeans (when I wasn’t wearing black pants) and was just absolutely beautiful for a skinny, drugged up metal head with a chip on his shoulder. People would flock to hang around me. And not just your everyday “blah” type of people like athletes, businessmen, movie directors, family members, nuclear technicians, and Scholars. No I mean REALLY cool people. People that actually made a difference in this world. The type of people who the entire fabric of our society depends on. People like strippers and drug dealers, drug users and drug abusers, anger mongers, thief’s, liars, and crazy curly-haired women that wanted to be a fashion model. Those were some of the best people I have ever known. They gave me so much, like debt, a criminal record, an addiction (now conquered),  more crazy acid stories (hallucinations for you young ones) than I care to mention, and an overall realistic sense of how the world really works. And you guys wonder why I see smurfs pushing holes around……..ppppffffft.

In those days, I had the whole world in the palm of my hands. Then, despite all this amazing shit that was going absolutely perfect in my life, something went terribly wrong. I got married. Most of you guys are probably saying, well thats a good thing right. ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR F*$KING MINDS!!!! This chicha was freaking nuts!!! Bi polar manic depressive with a severe drinking problem. Wanna talk about a good time!!! I had an absolute freaking blast. It was like being on vacation…..EVERYDAY!!!!! After a while of this jacked up life, I took things back to normal. After all, whats life all about if your not snortin coke, smokin dope, blowing cash and burning bridges. And I figured after my vacation from reality, I needed to put in the overtime!!!

several years would pass and I became strong like bull. Alienated all of my homies, got some new ones and pissed them off too. Thats when it happened. I saw this burning light in the sky that had this warm glow about it. almost heavenly. I experienced a warmth from that light that I had never known before. It was like Jesus came down from heaven and placed his hand on my head as if to show me the error of my ways, he opened his mouth and said ………………………………some completely unintelligible shit. I was tripping my balls off and got hung up on a light post. I must’ve been there for hours. I remember watching the sun rise. when it was all said and done. I decided to get my ass into school and get some skills

After the first installment, I moved to Denver. Went to school here, decided it sucked really bad, left, got a job and met a girl.

Great the next step is getting fat, going bald and losing my mind.

F*$K.

Mediocrity sucks.

So now you have just read this entire blog, wasted like four minutes of your ever so precious life and probably didn’t even laugh once. ok, maybe once…..the bit about the smurfs probably got at least a little chuckle…..right? but if you are wondering what the point of this blog is, well I have discovered the secret to life and its in the next few paragraphs.

We must always pay our debts. not the monetary kind either. If your life is shit, then you are doing something wrong. If your life is really shitty, it’s the bad stuff you’ve done wrong catching up to you. you can not escape it. If your life is great then there is bad shit around the corner just waiting on you to get comfortable. if you are doing everything you can to be good and you still have bad shit happen to you then you are just paying the taxes for the good you are putting into the system. I know it sucks, but the sooner you accept it the happier you will be. We have bad things happen to us for a reason.  Bad shit offers us a basis for comparison. without it, we would not understand happiness.

We wind up with shitty friends and lovers for the same reason. They teach us to be leery of those we surround ourselves with, and how to find the good in people who are experiencing troubled times. EVERYONE can have a bright future if they can only see the faults in their own ways. none of us are perfect. not even you. find someone that needs a little light shined into their life. the universe will reward you for your good deeds weather you notice it or not.

If someone has done something good and unselfish for you, then do something good and unselfish for someone else. you owe it to the universe….. she keeps track and she will find you through your Facebook page.

develop yourself. Learn more than you have time for and you will find yourself prepared for the most bizarre situations. knowledge is the one true power in the universe and those that have it rule all around them. become an everything efficianado.

watch out for smurfs. They are some tricky little bastards. and they are smaller than 3 apples high and they will find you through your Facebook page as well.

Ninjas are everywhere…..learn to catch arrows.

Zombies can only catch you if you are clumsy, an asshole, or a bully.

Nuff Said.